I should probably feel worse about this than I do.

I matched with Cade on an app. He was twenty four. Dark hair, nice arms, the kind of profile that doesn't try too hard. We texted for two days and then he said come over and I said okay because I wanted to get fucked and he seemed like he could handle it.

His apartment was fine. Clean enough. He had one of those big TVs that guys always have and a couch that looked expensive and not much else. He handed me a drink and we talked for maybe fifteen minutes and then I kissed him because I didn't come here to talk.

He kissed me back hard. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him and he carried me to the bedroom and dropped me on the bed. I pulled my shirt off and he pulled his off and he was built. Not like a gym bro. More like someone who actually does things with his body. He got on top of me and kissed my neck and bit my collarbone and I already knew this was going to be good.

He pulled my jeans off and my underwear and went down on me. He was good at it. Direct. He didn't tease or play around, he just put his mouth on me and worked and I grabbed the sheets and arched my back and told him not to stop.

I came on his mouth. Fast. Like embarrassingly fast. He came back up and kissed me and I could taste myself on him and I reached down and undid his pants and pulled his cock out. He was big. Not crazy big but enough that I made a sound when I wrapped my hand around him.

"Condom?" he said.

"No."

He pushed inside me and I felt every inch and my eyes rolled back. He fucked me deep from the start. Not slow. He grabbed my hip with one hand and the headboard with the other and he was hitting the right angle and I was already building again.

That's when his phone buzzed on the nightstand. And then again. And again.

He ignored it. I didn't. I turned my head and the screen was lit up.

"baby" with a heart emoji. Three messages.

"hey are you coming home soon"

"I made dinner"

"hello??"

He didn't see me looking. He was focused. His eyes were closed and his hips were moving and he was groaning and he had no idea.

Something in my brain clicked. Not guilt. Something else. Something hot and wrong and I leaned into it before I could think about it.

I reached over and picked up his phone. He opened his eyes.

"What are you doing" he said. He didn't stop moving.

"She's texting you."

His face went white. "Give me that."

"Relax." I unlocked it because he had one of those pattern locks and I had watched him do it when he ordered food. I opened the messages. He was still inside me. Still hard. Still not pulling out.

I typed: "at the gym be home soon" and hit send.

"What the fuck" he said. But he didn't stop fucking me. That's what I noticed. His hips kept going. He looked horrified and turned on at the same time and I put the phone back on the nightstand and pulled him down by the back of his neck and kissed him.

"Keep going" I said.

He kept going. Harder actually. Like the adrenaline made him rougher. He grabbed both my wrists and pinned them above my head and fucked me into the mattress and I moaned and wrapped my legs around him and pulled him deeper.

The phone buzzed again. Neither of us looked.

"You're insane" he said.

"You're still inside me."

He couldn't argue with that. He fucked me faster. I could feel his cock swelling and his breathing was ragged and his grip on my wrists was tight enough to leave marks. I squeezed around him and he groaned.

"Where do you want it" he said through his teeth.

"Inside."

He came hard. I felt him pulsing inside me and he collapsed on top of me and I held him there with my legs locked. His whole body was shaking. I could feel his cum leaking out around his cock.

He rolled off me and stared at the ceiling. He looked like someone who had just done something terrible and amazing at the same time.

"She's going to see the gym text" he said.

"Yeah. And she's going to believe it because you sent a text just like that last week and the week before. I can tell."

He looked at me. "How do you know that."

"Because your lock screen had four unread messages from her and you didn't look stressed about it until I picked it up."

He didn't say anything. I got up and got dressed. He watched me from the bed, still naked, still breathing hard.

"Are you going to tell her" he said.

"No." I pulled my jeans on. Found my shoes. "That's your thing."

"Can I see you again."

I looked at him. He was handsome and good in bed and completely full of shit. The kind of guy who tells himself he'll end it tomorrow. I've met enough of them to know.

"No" I said.

I blocked his number in the elevator. Not because I felt bad. I didn't feel bad. I blocked him because it was too easy. The whole thing. The lock screen, the gym text, the way he kept going. None of it cost him anything and I don't like things that are free.

I got in my car and sat there for a minute. My thighs were sticky and my wrists had marks on them and I was smiling.

I deleted the app that night. Downloaded a different one. Started swiping.